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He mowed all last year, knew I was ‘transitioning’, and was always cool about it and asked how I was doing often. Today was the first time he’d seen me in maybe 6 months, after a long shitty winter and similar spring so far. He noticed my changes. He asked how it was going and added ‘fuck man, you put on some serious muscle!’, and playfully grabbed my upper arm to feel my bicep. We both laughed, and he said ‘no seriously dude, you’re looking good, thigh muscles coming on too?’, I blushed a little and said ‘yeah, waist has slimmed, new muscles appearing all the time, thighs getting more muscular and hairier’. He raised his eyebrows. ‘Hairier huh? Can I see?’, at first I felt self conscious and a little like he was overstepping a mark, but then thought ‘ah fuck it!’. So, I said ‘sure, have a peek’. First I lifted my shirt a little so he could see my hairy stomach. ‘Fuck man, that’s serious, I thought you meant like fucking peach fuzz or some shit! That’s fucking MAN hair! Come on dude!. With a vague sense of distraction, like he was a character in a martial arts movie, and not a soon to be victim, he watched the steel blade as it swooped towards his neck. He was going to die. He was going to die in the next three seconds. She heard the squeal of the brakes, but paid it no heed. The moment of victory was at hand, and she would not be distracted from her mission. Two hands gripped on the handle of the sword, one quick slash and it would be over. She was already thinking about the follow through of her slashing action when the sword once again skipped from her hands, clattering to the pavement. Three men were approaching her, two with handguns pointed right at them. ‘Well,’ she thought, ‘This wont be anything but another slight annoyance, like the first two.’ Once again she waved her arm in the prescribed motion and said the proper incantation, but to her horror, nothing happened. She was struck by a blow of immense proportion, not a physical blow, but a battering ram.
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